GLOBAL MUSLIMS
“Saudi Arabia! Learn from UAE. See how they improve their living standard, enhance opportunities, provide social entertainment, invest money in public interests and recreation activities. When will you join the other countries this millennium? You don’t even let women drive on the roads. How backward you are? Grow up!”
SAUDI ARABIA
“Alright alright! We will allow women to drive but will allow them to drive by next year because we have to establish driving facilities for the women and train them first. Also, we will try our best to adopt general measures to avoid traffic accidents. We will further allow women to work in the shops and offices, even on stalls, fairs and as cashier too.
Let’s add some entertainment for your amusement. We will decide to bring WWE wrestlers including John Cena and Big Show for your best luxury because most of you are fond of wrestling. But our sincere apologies, we will not add wrestling divas, we cannot go that far. I hope you understand.
In addition, considering your enthusiasm in comics, we will plan to stage a globally recognized international convention like Comic-Con. No no no you can wear costumes and fashion accessories in love of your favorite characters. Yes, you can become cosplayers. And don’t worry, we will invite well-known celebrities who will mesmerize you all. You will have the moment to meet and greet them, shake hand and even take a selfie with them. 
This is just a beginning, and we do realize how music has been a significant part of our culture. So we will treat our locals to listen and watch the performance of their favorite, Mohammad Abdu, to your cities. We will experiment some other musical interest in the future. How about Jazz music? We can organize that for you in an industrial city. And how about inviting the world-famous musicians? We can start from Yanni and bring the musical phenomena of team Yanni near to your cities. Why not? We can bring him and his team.
Indeed all you people are fond of watching the Western and Arab films but do you know that our Saudi people are not behind of cinematic talent. There are many talented filmmakers and actors. We shall consider organizing film festivals and bring theatres close to you.
We never focused on attracting tourists to enrich our history and culture before. Like other countries, we are not behind in attracting the tourists and we will earn the global reputation. We do realize there are numerous sites which can attract millions of visitors. Let’s work on few of these. We will invest heavy money in such places. If things work as per the plan we will begin issuing tourist visas too. Just wait and see.”
GLOBAL MUSLIMS
“Astaghfirullah bro! How can you allow women to drive the car? This will bring fitna and raise the opportunity for gender mixing. The woman will have every chance to drive by herself all alone which will lead the men’s society to stare her and raise concerns about the reasons for her driving.
She will be at ease to hang out with other girls (or maybe boys) and walk on the streets like stray dogs.
No need to let them step out of home for huh work? Why does she want to work when her brother, father, and husband is earning? What could be the reason for going out for ‘work’? And what kind of ‘work’ does she want to do? They should stay at home, learn to cook food, produce offsprings, teach their children and obey every word what her husband or parent wishes or commands.
How can you consider inviting kuffar and their inventions to the holy country? Wrestling discourages peace and encourages viewers to fight. So what if you didn’t invite wrestling divas due to the obvious reasons as hellfire is already approved on them, the male wrestlers also promote nudity and shamelessness.
Comic books lead the readers towards mental illness and make them think and develop a theory that superheroes actually exist. By believing the fictional heroes, they will stop believing in our beloved messengers, their message and the true warriors of Islam. Do you know there are nauzubillah (I seek refuge in Allah) so many Gods in comics? How can you let them wear improper dresses and make them shake hands of the famous kuffar people? May Allah guide you.
Music? The voice of Shaitan? The world is near to end. Oh, Muslim Ummah! Do you know you are fulfilling the needs of Western countries? Do you know you are inviting evil by encouraging people to listen to their music? Seems like you have lost your credibility as a Muslim country.
You should realize that they are enemies of Islam and by investing your money in advertising their culture and fashion, we will be manipulated and one day they will occupy our holy land. They will marry our Muslim women and produce offsprings who will tweet/retweet their false religion. Auzubillah Auzubillah. May Allah have mercy and guide you to the right path. Amen.”
SAUDI ARABIA
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Sami Naik | Film Critic 